How to Be a Friend

We get back what we put out into the world, and that is never more true than with our relationships.

If you want to have great friends, you can start by striving to be a great friend! It really can be as simple as being someone who invests in others, and in so doing, discovering that others gravitate towards you- and you find your people.

And once again, as we’ve said here before: it’s not about popularity! Many of us can thrive with just a small circle of close, caring friends we can trust and lean on and have fun with. 

So what are a few reminders to help you be the kind of friend that you would want, and that others WILL want? 

Be a good listener.

This seems obvious, right? But many forget that one of the most important things we can do to to make others feel that we value them is to be present and listen when they speak. 

So you succeed at this every time you put your phone down, look them in the eye, and even reflect back what they say.

So easy to do, and yet so many of us struggle to be truly present! So be that person who is! 

Share about yourself when the time is right, and take risks when it comes to revealing yourself. 

Obviously you want to feel safe with the other person before you reveal too much, but true connection relies upon give and take. So be a great listener, but also be a thoughtful share-r. 

Be courageous as you share about yourself, let them get to know the true you! 

Be present and listen when your friend needs an ear.

Being a true friend means you are present and listen when they talk about their favorite music, the fact that they need a job, or their wishes for plans after high school. 

But it also means being there for them when they struggle. 

And that doesn’t mean you have to “fix” them. Often they just need to share and feel seen. 

But if you feel like they are seeking answers or help, and you’re not sure what they need right now? 

Ask. Sometimes the most meaningful and helpful and supportive thing you can do is say: “what would be the most helpful for you right now?” 

And then do that! 

Remember the golden rule.

It was valid in kindergarten, it was valid in middle school, and it will be valid through every relationship you encounter, but never more so than with friendships.

Treat them as you’d like to be treated. When you’re not sure what to do next, simply consider what you would want them to do for you.

Be loyal. Be kind. Be the kind of friend you desire to have. Simple, simple! 

Try to avoid gossip in general.

Have you ever heard the saying, “If they’ll gossip with you, they’ll gossip about you”? 

Well it’s true. If you have a friend who spends inordinate amounts of time gossiping with you about other people? There’s a pretty great chance s/he is also gossiping about you. 

So do what you can to avoid engaging gossip, and do what you can to avoid being the gossip.

Now, there is a difference between gossiping and venting! Sometimes you do need to vent about relationships. Sometimes you need to share a story in order to process it- or just let off steam.

But be cautious about making gossip a passtime! 

It’s not healthy for your mental wellness and it doesn’t inspire trust within relationships. 

Gossiping about others is really a sign of insecurity. Those who feel like they need to talk down about others all the time are often doing so because they are jealous or feel better when they break others down. 

So strive to avoid it. And when you do find yourself gossiping, be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, and change course with the conversation. You’ll get better as time goes on.

And a wonderful alternative to gossiping!? Gossip about how amazing other people are! It builds your own mental health and kindness muscles and sends great energy out into the world! 

Try to avoid being judgmental in general

This one can be hard, especially if you tend to be hard on yourself! 

Often those of us who are hard on ourselves tend to judge others as harshly as we judge ourselves.

Simply try to notice when you’re judging others or yourself, and know that we are all doing the best we can- especially you!

And finally, remember: 

Being a great friend is about quality time more than quantities of time. 

Sure you may have the luxury and desire to spend tons of time together, but it is just as important or more so that when you are together, you are engaging those good-friend qualities!

So if you can only hang with your friend(s) on the weekends, make the most of the time you get together! 

And as always, a reminder: our workshops are all about building great connections. We discuss friendships, and make friends along the way! 

You can find out more about them here on our website, or you can join our email list and get updates about upcoming workshops!

And another great option is to just attend any of our club activities! They are open to everyone and just about having fun, getting out of the house, and connecting!